ALFREDO
Alfredo is not a man to use a woman simply to satisfy his own lusty and
unspeakable desires. No, it is not for his own pleasure that he makes
them submit to the most tortuous and distressing humiliations. Rather
it is for the greater glory of everyone that Alfredo must relentlessly
pursue this agenda of self-gratification. Confused you are? Why does
Alfredo sound like Yoda from time to time? These are all valid
questions, none of which I will answer. I prefer to talk about Alfredo.
Alfred is a man who crosses his t's twice. Why, you ask? Alfredo
would rather not say. Alfredo is mean. Yes, oh yes, very mean.
Alfredo once shot a man for snoring too loud. And he once shot a man
for not snoring loudly enough. And he also shot one man for not
snoring at just the right temperature. Alfredo kills men the way others
kill ants--by stepping on the hills in which they dwell. I hope this
gives everyone a better understanding of Alfredo.