"Hello, is this Staples?"
"Yes it is. How may I help you."
Too eager to please.
"I was just wondering how you came up with the name of the store. I mean, you sell staples, right?"
"Yes we do. We're the one-stop off--"
"Yes, I'm sure you are, but tell me. John Wanamaker's. Do they sell wanamakers?"
"Well, I--"
"Do you even know what a wanamaker is?"
"I think--"
"No, of course you don't. What do you make? Minimum? Less? Christ, you sound young, had your first period yet?"
"Exc--"
"Use tampons or pads? You know if you use tampons, no guy'll believe you're a virgin. Then you'll get a reputation and you'll never get married. And--"
"I don't--"
"Excuse me. I digressed. Now tell me, you sell file cabinets, right?"
"Yes we do."
"And you sell those little mail trays you put on your desk that say 'In' and 'Out', right?"
"Yes we do. We're the one-stop--"
But you don't call yourself 'File cabinets', right? I mean, that's a pretty stupid name. And you sure as hell don't call yourself 'Those little mail trays you put on your desk that say "In" and "Out"', right? I mean, that name really sucks."
"Why, why are--"
"All right, follow me here. What does a supermarket sell?"
"F-food."
"Good. Shit, you should earn more than minimum. Christ, I could have my old man put you on the payroll down here. . .Shit, what was I--oh yeah, food, right? But does the supermarket call itself 'Food'? Noooo. It's called a supermarket."
"I-I didn't--"
"Listen, I'd love to stay and talk to you longer, but I gotta go do something to my dog. You understand."
"Waaahhhhh. . ."
So it wasn't such a bad day after all.