---Paper!
---Scissors cut paper, Arthur.
---I know I know.
---Rock!
---Superluminal scissors.
---Huh?
---Never mind him, Waldo, you win.
---Rock crushes scissors into paste. I win, I win!
---These are superluminal scissors. You lose, big time.
---Huh?
---He doesn't know what he's talking about, Waldo. You can't win
rock paper scissors with a thought experiment.
---Bull. If a fist can be a rock, then these can be superluminal
scissors.
---Superluminal?
---He doesn't get it, Waldo. Even if the blades were a light-year
long, and your rock was somewhere out there, between them, and
he closed them, it would still take at least a year for the
message to propagate to the tips. Ask Mom.
---Mine are super-rigid.
---You wish, hairless one.
---Huh?
---Besides, I'll take special relativity over super-rigidity any
day. The blades bend. Waldo has plenty of time to move his
rock out of the way.
---Ha. Gotcha, sis! Now just how do you get the message to the
rock so fast? By the time he sees the blades, it's over.
---It's moot, anyway.
---Moot?
---Never mind her. That's what she always says when she's trapped.
---Hardly, little boy. Since the real upper limit for rigidity is
much less than the theoretical upper limit, it'll take a lot
longer for a year for those blades to even start closing,
allowing me plenty of time to rescue Waldo's rock.
---Thanks, Sara. I'm hungry.
---Me too. Mah-ahm!
---You kids hungry? Wanna go out?
---Yeah!
---I wanna Happy Meal!
---We'll go to that new McDonald's they opened up downtown.
---Cool. But will we be back for Speed Racer?
---Get in the car. Let's go.
---Hey, Sis. What kind of bees come out on Halloween?
---I don't know, Arthur. What kind of bees come out on Halloween?
---Waldo?
---Boo-bees!
---My but that's clever.
---Now boys, can't you see you're making Sara feel awkward by
calling attention to a part of her body she's not fully
comfortable with yet?
---Then how come she's always showing them to us?
---It's a defense mechanism.
---Like rationalization, or projection.
---She wishes she had something to project.
---My but you're witty today, Arthur.
---What do you call clever bees?
---I don't know, Waldo. What?
---Witty titties!
---Huh?
---What's that, over there, Mom? That place is new, isn't it?
---That's 'Pie Are Squared', a very trendy, non-Euclidean bakery.
All the faculty just rave about the place.
---Non-Euclidean?
---I went there once, after lunch. The food was good, but it left
me wanting. And while a bottomless cup of coffee may be a
classic marketing pitch, when the cup really *is* bottomless,
it stands to reason you're gonna alienate most of your clientele.
---Here we are!
---I wanna Whopper!
---Um, Waldo, this is McDonald's.
---I wanna Big Mac!
---You never finish them. Your eyes are bigger than your-
---Mom, what's that? On the menu. A Heisenburger Happy Meal?
That's new.
---You want one? You'll be sorry.
---I want one.
---Me too.
---Me three.
---Three Heisenburger Happy Meals, a Quarter Pounder and a regular
Coke. And medium fries.
---Wow. This thing is full of burgers!
---Slow down, Arthur. Just try and eat one.
---I'm saving mine.
---That's great, Waldo.
---Hey, this stinks. Every time I reach for a burger, it's
somewhere else. And when it looks like I know where it's
headed, it's not there.
---Sucks to be you, Arthur.
---Let's see *you* eat, Sis.
---Watch.
---Hey!
---Yum, tasty.
---How'd she do that, Mom?
---Yeah, Sara. How *did* you do that?
---I closed my eyes and took a shot. I've always been lucky.
---Hey, this sucks! I got a dead cat!
---Oh, Waldo, you shouldn't have opened the box.
---But I'm hungry.
---Well look outside the McDonald's. All those burgers appearing.
Get one of those.
---Hawking burgers?
---McDonald's is evaporating?
---Look, Sis, help me out. I'll go inside, you stay outside. When
a burger appears you walkie-talkie me its location and I'll pin
down its momentum. Then I'll eat.
---I don't like dead cat.
---I don't think it'll work, Arthur. The guy flipping burgers will
collapse.
---That's silly. How can the burger flipper collapse just because
I ate a burger?
---Don't play dice with Mickey-D's, Arthur, you'll be sorry.
---But I'm hungry.
---We gotta go. Speed Racer.
---Don't worry, Waldo. We can walk home from here.
---But it took us a half hour just to get here.
---I know a shortcut behind 'Pie Are Squared'.