Lost in tv hell. episode 2

So this guy calls from MCI, right? Now by this time I'm getting pretty damned tired of these calls. I found out earlier today that my kid broke her arm on the playground yesterday, but they couldn't get through because I was on the phone all day with AT&T, SPRINT, and MCI. So I went down there and asked her principal why they couldn't tell the operator to cut through, since it was an emergency, and she just gave me one of her best 'Don't you think we tried that, don't you think this has ever happened before, you're the negligent parent not me not me, my kid's at Harvard--so just fuck you' looks and told me that the phone people had blocked out the emergency lines, so the operator couldn't cut through.

All right, I think, time to play hard ball.

So I say to the guy from MCI, can he put it in writing? He calls my bluff and says, sure, that his lawyers are already drawing up the paperwork. All right, I say, does MCI come with 16-bit Turbo Grafix, the best animation, and a wide selection of the hottest games out there? The guy's breathing changed and I knew I had him. "No," he said, "I don't think it does. But Nintendo doesn't even do that."

"Well," I said. "Genesis does."

Genesis does.

So now I have no long-distance service at all and that suits me just fine. I mean, c'mon, two alimony checks a month, and my second wife's lawyer makes me pay child support, which I consider pretty shrewd, seeing as the broken-arm little playground slut lives with me, eats my food, and threatens me with child- molestation charges if I step out of line. The other day she shows me these anatomically-correct dolls she has, just like the ones the police lady will use when she asks the kid where daddy touched her. And then she goes, "Right here, where Billy touched me, and right here, where everyone touched me, and right here. . ." "All right, all right, you can have the bike. Christ. Get me a beer already, willya?"