How to Get Laid Via Surrealism

About a year ago, I tried to get my best friend laid. This wasn't by request or for a bet or anything, he just really needed it. We're talking serious out-of-touch-with-reality nerdom here. The only time I had ever seen him remotely interested in the opposite sex was back in high school, when during a truth and dare game we got him and girl named Naomi to admit that they had crushes on each other. Neither of them decided to do anything about the situation.

Anyway, so I figured this gal Rachel that I knew here would be just his type. Bio major, vaguely good looking, born in England, but had moved to Palo Alto when she was 10, giving her a rather unusual accent combination. So I try all the usual tactics: telling them how wonderful the other was, starting conversations between them and then leaving the room, etc.

None of which worked. In fact, if anything, Rachel was beginning to come on to me. Drastic action was required. I was taking a rather pompous class on 20th century European Intellectual History, and the prof, who had a rather strong bias towards the artistic avant-garde, had assigned us Breton's _Manifestos of Surrealism_ to read. Just the thing, I thought, to scare any sane individual away. The next time Rachel came over, I started to read long sections of it; the "automatic writing" experiments in particular.

She loved it.

We broke up about four months later, after Winter break. It was the mellowest relationship I have ever been in.